I’ve learned over recent weeks that some people have difficulty with this concept. As a caregiver for my elderly mother, I need to be cognizant of the fact that we are both in age groups shown to be at higher risk from COVID-19. I proactively work to protect her from exposure to this dangerous virus, but not everyone understands.
“Can we come over?”
This question was asked by a family member a few days ago with the added qualifier of, “We haven’t been anywhere.” I told them it wasn’t a good idea and said no, they couldn’t come over. What does it even mean to say they haven’t been anywhere? At the time of the call, they were out driving around and visiting other family members… isn’t this somewhere?
Ok, so at the risk of sounding a little overcautious here, this is how I see things. Someone can pick up this virus in the air or by touching their face after momentary contact with a seemingly innocuous surface. Now, they can be spreading this virus for as long as two weeks before they even show symptoms to alert them to the fact that they may have caught something. Haven’t been anywhere… um, have you had to put gas in your car? Did you touch the gas pump or breathe the air there or in a store sometime over the last two weeks? Has anyone come to your house over the last two weeks? Any number of factors make this a risk I’m not willing to take a chance on when my mother’s life hangs in the balance… and maybe even mine.
Sacrifices
In my situation, I have to make sacrifices. If it was just me, I could choose to take all the risks I thought I might get away with… but it’s not just me. One of my biggest sacrifices is social distancing from my girlfriend. She has two adult children living at home with her, and they are both exposed to the public in their jobs. This means that each and every day, there is a possibility that one of them might unknowingly bring this virus home and share it with their mother. This means that we have to rigidly practice social distancing.
Our dates are now in a nearby park where we have met for lunch and with the weather improving, we are trying to schedule more of these “distance dates.” We sit two meters apart; we eat takeout and we visit. We don’t sit together or share a walk holding hands, and a hug or a kiss just isn’t an option for now. This isn’t easy for either of us. But our distance dates in the park help a little.
I’ve seen my son a few times through this mess to drop off critical supplies and such. Our standard behaviors during our visits have changed… there are no hugs, we stand apart and keep our visits all too short. This has also been rough on both of us.
Strategies
I used to enjoy visiting my favorite stores. Hitting the store for a quick item or two is a thing of the past. Now, I order online for anything needed from local stores and ask for home delivery when it’s available. I try to plan my shopping deliveries to make the most of the additional spend. It’s an extra ten bucks for the grocery delivery, plus it’s customary to tip our drivers… they’re just out trying to make a living during this mess, so I do what I can. I unbag the groceries, wash all fresh veggies and all containers that’ll hold up to soap and water. Things that come in cardboard, I wipe down and things that come in paper get set aside for a few days. Then I wash my hands like it’s the only thing I have to do that day.
My local home improvement store delivers many things, and what isn’t available for home delivery can be ordered online and will be brought out to my vehicle in the parking lot when I arrive. I’ve used this several times. Same things apply, these are typically outdoor supplies, so I wash up well after getting home from the store and leave them out for several days before working with them.
And, I have missed visiting my favorite nursery this spring as well. Instead, I ordered online and have arranged delivery. I’m more of a homebody now than I ever would have thought possible. I feel like a recluse, like perhaps I’ve been sent off to a hermitage. None of this is easy.
Just Enough or Too Much?
Here are the facts. At the time of this writing, we are coming up on 175,000 deaths worldwide with over 40,000 of those in the U.S. Per the analysis of the impact in New York state (not the state I live in), almost half (48%) were people over 75 years of age, 25% were between 65-74 and 23% between 45 to 64 – accounting for 95% of the fatalities reported so far. This is very sobering when I’m a 60-year-old caregiver for an 86-year-old with a frail constitution.
Am I being paranoid and taking this just a little too far? I don’t think so. I think I’m just doing what needs done. I’m following the guidelines put out by our federal and state governments, and I’m trying to incorporate common sense into the whole mix. As her caregiver, I understand that protecting my mother means protecting myself so that I don’t bring this virus home to her. Once we get to a point where COVID-19 is no longer a prominent threat, we can relax and get back to a normal life again… but for now, extra caution is certainly the correct path for me to follow.
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